Three Birds in One Song
by miknge
Summary: My take on how Santana talked Mercedes into singing The Boy is Mine with her, and her real motive behind that song. Spoilers: Laryngitis


Santana thinks about the Glee assignment for the week that Mr. Schue had given them. Sing a song that expresses your feelings, or expresses who you are. Immediately, she knows what song she wants to sing, what she wants to express and who she wants to express it to. It would be like hitting all three birds in one stone... or, in one song... whatever. To make her plan works, she has to find Mercedes first and act all bitchy towards her, which is an easy job for her.

After the Cheerios practice, she corners Mercedes in the locker room after all the other Cheerios had left. The black diva is taken by surprise when she turns around and sees her. But the bitch-face look on the Latina's face made her understand immediately.

"Look, Santana. I know what you're going to say to me, Quinn had even warned me about you, but Puck and I have a chemistry that you and he lack," she says with all the confidence she can muster.

"Oh, please I'm not here to talk to you about this. I'm here to discuss with you about the Glee assignment."

"What?" Mercedes is caught off-guard. Since when did Santana care so much about Glee assignment? She wasn't even serious when she was paired with Brittany to do the Ballad assignment, which was a shame, because Brittany was very into it.

"What are you? Deaf? Have you been hanging around with Wheels too much to join his club for the disabled now?" Santana scowls her infamous scowl. "You heard me. And we're going to do this Glee assignment together, and this is the song that we're going to sing, and I'm going to sing most of the parts, whether you like it or not." She pushes a piece of paper into the diva's hand, before turning around to walk away.

Before she disappears out of the door, she turns around to look at Mercedes, putting a hand on her hip. "And after all this ends, we'll see which girl he chooses. Not that I need a song to prove my point, but we all know that only blind men will choose you," she snickers loudly before leaving Mercedes alone, all lost and confused at what had just happened.

Santana, the head bitch in charge, the top dog of the school, had just expressed an interest to sing a duet with her in a Glee assignment? What had the world come to? Only when she unfolds the folded piece of paper that Santana had shoved into her hand, it makes sense to her.

On the piece of paper, the title of the song read: The Boy Is Mine.

So, this is the song that Santana wants to sing with her. It all leads back to one thing. That it is all about Puck. No once can have Puck but Santana? What is this bullshit? Mercedes is going to kill this song come Friday when it is her turn to express her feelings in the song that she had chosen before her encounter with Santana in the locker room. Fuck it. If Santana wants to diva off with her, she will scrap her own song that she had chosen. She'll show her!

Friday comes and she finds herself standing in the middle of the choir room with Santana, singing The Boy Is Mine with Santana. Or rather, fighting with Santana after the song ends. Mr Schue had to break them apart and just as she is about to walk away, Santana pushes her.

She wants to fight back, but thought the better of it. She won't sink herself to Santana's level. She may hate the Latina's attitude, but that doesn't mean she has to act like her. She is way better than that. So, she lets Santana walk out of the choir room, knowing that she had won the fight for now. Puck is still hers.

Santana barely makes it to the washroom when she felt a gentle tug on her arm. Thinking that it was Mercedes or some other random kid who is daring enough to mess with her already messy feelings, she whirls around, ready to attack whoever it was.

She is stunned when she finds that it is Brittany standing right in front of her. They have not been talking to each other for two weeks now, and Santana decides that enough is enough. Two days without Brittany is already driving her insane, but two weeks? No wonder she is insane enough to do a duet with Mercedes. She makes a mental note to never sing a duet with any of the Glee kids ever again, besides Brittany, of course.

Wordlessly, the blonde pulls her and drags her into the washroom and into one of the cubicles, locking the door behind her, before pushing the brunette up against the wall and capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

When they finally parts for air, Brittany looks at Santana pleadingly. "Ok, San... you win. I can't stand it when you put your arms around Puck when you sang with Mercedes just now. Just... I just don't want to have this silent war with you anymore... I miss you... and you look so hot just now and it made me jealous of Puck... Puck is not yours, cos you're mine and no one else can have you."

The blonde's lips are still too close to Santana's mouth, making it hard for the brunette to concentrate listening to her. All she heard was the slight aggressiveness in Brittany's voice when she claimed Santana to be hers. She always likes it when Brittany shows her aggressive side, and she knows Brittany likes to be in control sometimes. So, she cuts the blonde off by attacking her lips in another fiery kiss, both of them wrapping their arms tightly around each other. Santana doesn't want to admit that she had missed the blonde so badly in that two whole weeks of not speaking to her, but she pours everything out in that kiss.

Inwardly, the Latina smiles triumphantly. One bird down. Two more to go.

The next day at school, everything returns back to normal for Santana again. Brittany is linking her pinky with hers again as they walk down the school hallway together and all is right and perfect in Santana's world again. As they are nearing their lockers, Santana catches sight of Puck loitering by her locker. She immediately senses the discomfort from Brittany without even having to look at her. Squeezing Brittany's pinky for reassurance, she walks towards Puck.

"Hey baby girl." Puck gives her the best smile ever.

"Hey yourself," she replies curtly as she pushes him to the side so that she can open her locker.

"So, I was thinking... if you're free tonight, you can hang out with me and Mercedes. Me and my girl are thinking of catching a movie tonight. After that song you sang with her that day, I was thinking that maybe I could give you a chance to come back to me. But Mercedes and I just started dating, and I can't just dump her straightaway like that," he says in his smooth, confident voice as he runs his finger up and down the Latina's arm. "So, what do you say, hot stuff?"

"Ugh!" Santana slams her locker shut, rolling her eyes. "Get your puny finger off of me. If that's your new pick-up line, then puh-lease... are you still stuck in the eighties? Baby girl and hot stuff? Seriously? What makes you think that song is about you, anyway?"

"What? If it's not about me, then who is it about? You specifically wrapped your arms around me, throwing yourself at me!" Puck retorts angrily.

"Well, not everything is as it seems to be. And besides, I'm not free tonight. I'm hanging out with Britt tonight and..." she continues as she links an arm around Brittany's arm. "... you're welcome to join us if you want to," she says coyly, smirking.

"Really?" Puck immediately picks up on the suggestive tone and expression on the Latina's voice and face. He always knew that these two Cheerios have something going on for each other.

"Except that you can't. Britt and I will be doing something that is exclusively for girls only." She wiggles her eyebrows, a sexy smile on her face, before trailing her gaze down onto his zipper pants. "Unless you are a girl, then you can't join us. But that means you have to castrate yourself first. If you can't, we are more than willing to help you."

"Fuck you, Santana."

"Oh, you wish."

"Oh, I wish too but that will have to wait because we only do it when boys are not around," the blonde Cheerio suddenly perks up, causing Puck to be dumbfounded at her comment, thus further proving his theory that these two Cheerios have been fucking each other was right.

However, the Latina seems unfazed by her friend's sudden comment. Instead, she still has the same smirk on her face. "So, I'll see you when I see you, Puckasarus," she drawls the last word out in a mocking tone.

To Brittany, she says in a gentle tone, her expression turns softer, "C'mon Britt. Let's go."

With that, they both walk away, leaving a bewildered Puck behind who is staring longingly after his crushed dream of a threesome.

As Santana walks away with Brittany, she smiles triumphantly again. Two birds down. One more to go.

"Hey Santana!" Santana hears her name being called by someone just as she was about to leave the locker room after Cheerios practice.

Turning around, she realizes that it was Mercedes. Great, what does she want now? "What do you want?" she asks, annoyed.

"Just want to let you know that you can have him back. I've just broken up with him." Mercedes says, shrugging her shoulders. "Good luck keeping him under your fingers, though."

"Yeah, whatever." Santana rolls her eyes as she begins to walk out of the locker room.

"Wait..." Mercedes grabs the Latina's arm, stopping her in mid-track.

"Just spill it out already instead of making me standing here wasting my time with you," Santana snaps as she turns around to face the black diva again.

"I just want to let you know that you did a great job singing that song with me. Anyway, you've won. The boy is yours. But I hope we can sing again in the future."

Santana has to admit that Mercedes is a nice girl, and probably a nice friend to have, but it's not like she needs any other friends besides Brittany. "Ugh, first of all, I'm never ever singing a duet with any of you losers again," she says, crossing her arms. "And second of all, that song is never about Puck to begin with, and it is never even about me fighting over him against a loser like you. Haven't I told you before that I don't need no song to prove that guys will choose me over you?"

"Wait... wait a minute now. If the whole drama you had with me in the choir room is never about Puck or you fighting with me to win Puck, then what is it about?" asks Mercedes in confusion. "You practically threw yourself at him that day."

"It's none of your fucking business who I throw myself at."

With that, she leaves a confused Mercedes behind as she walks out of the locker room and towards Brittany, who is waiting for her by the doorway, and links her pinky with hers as they both walk away. She can't help but to smile triumphantly at her victorious streak. She had successfully killed all three birds in one song.

Mercedes may be popular since she joined Cheerios, but when it comes to popularity contest, the Latina would win hands down, she would make sure of it. She is Santana freakin' Lopez. She wouldn't go down without a fight.

In the process of showing everyone who the top dog still is around here and giving Puck what he deserves for choosing the loser diva instead of her to boost up his reputation, she had won the one and only thing that mattered the most in her life.

She had won Brittany back.

Later that night, as she and Brittany are making out on her bed, with Brittany straddling on top of her, all she could think was screw it. Her success of killing all three birds in one song is nothing compared to feeling the blonde beauty's body on top of her now, looking into the blonde's blue eyes which are glimmering with happiness for being on top of her. This? Being able to look at Brittany smiling down happily at her right now? This is far better than showing everyone at school who the top dog still is and giving Puck what he deserves.

"Hey, San?" Brittany asks dreamily.

"Yes, Britt?" Santana answers, just as dreamily.

"That song you sang with Mercedes... it was about me, wasn't it?" Brittany asks, a sly smile spreading across her face.

Santana knows the blonde would catch on to it sooner or later, she just didn't think it would be sooner. And here, everyone thought that Brittany is dumb. She catches on to some things quicker than others. Especially if the things are about Santana. Without saying a word, the Latina just gives her a soft smile, stroking her cheek gently. Before she could answer her though, Brittany suddenly speaks up.

"Putting a cast is not that difficult."

Santana is momentarily caught off-guard by Brittany's random comment.

"You mean a cast on your arm if you fell down and broke your arm?" the Latina questioned quizically.

"I guess that's what it means, right?"

"Well, it's not that difficult, really. But you'll need a doctor to do it for you."

"Oh."

"Why do you ask?" Santana asks patiently, but curiously. She is used to her friend's bizarre questions, but she will never stop being amazed by it.

"Well... I guess we can't do it for Puck then, and we'll have to bring him to a doctor."

"Why do we need to bring Puck to a doctor?"

"He needs a cast, right? This morning you were telling him to cast himself, but if he can't do it himself, you suggested that we can help him with it. But since you said he'll need a doctor, we can't help him then."

"Oh... that," Santana says, smiling affectionately at her friend. "We'll worry about that later... right now let's continue where we left off, shall we?"

"But if Puck needs help, we..."

"Hush, babe, we'll take care of Puck later ok," Santana grunts as she rolls the blonde over and now she is on top of her. "Besides, it's so late at night now, and all the doctors are sleeping. Tomorrow, ok?"

The blonde considers Santana's suggestion for a while, before finally agreeing with her. Thank God. Santana makes a mental note to explain to her friend that she meant 'castrate' and not 'cast' first thing tomorrow morning.


End file.
